League Stories
The mythology archive: propaganda, scripture, parody, war stories, character studies, and documents that should probably have been destroyed.
The Corrupt League Manager
The accusation that started the avalanche.
The Resurrection of Breesus
Benchings became crucifixions. Sunday became Sabbath.
The Mad Titan
Fredos arrived to bring balance to the league.
The Corrupt League Manager
Headlines accuse League Manager Zach Johnson of corruption. Ben Rancourt alleges scoreboard, lineup, and points manipulation. Revolution talk follows, along with the first open acknowledgement that the commissioner also controls the media.
OPEN ARCHIVE →Johnson & Johnson
Week 3 becomes a father-versus-son event: Zach against Dave Johnson. Zach enters after losing Week 1 and beating Ben in Week 2; Dave enters undefeated. Elsewhere Ben and Zarin prepare for their own collision.
OPEN ARCHIVE →The Resurrection of Breesus
Drew Brees becomes Breesus. Freda benches him, the act is treated as crucifixion, and Emmanuel Sanders and Stefon Diggs join the fallen. Freda assumes the role of Judas. Then Sunday delivers resurrection.
OPEN ARCHIVE →The Golden God
A political-debate parody collides with the cult of Breesus. Celebrity, criminality, spectacle and divine intervention all compete for the crowd’s attention.
OPEN ARCHIVE →When Ashton Youboty Awoke
A short rhyming prophecy. The Dark Lord is provoked, Breesus falls, Goodell cloaks the flame, and Ashton Youboty rises.
OPEN ARCHIVE →The Fall of Goodell
Goodell gathers an army and marches on a Breesus-led White House. BountyGate becomes the charge, Youboty challenges the commissioner at Gillette, John Elway intervenes with an arrow, and divine judgment arrives.
OPEN ARCHIVE →Such New Beginnings
An existential interlude about surrender, death, memory and the cruelty of beginning again.
OPEN ARCHIVE →The Holy Grail
Breesus goes to war after accusations of being a false Messiah. Mark Ingram leads the opposition. Ezekiel Elliott, DeAndre Hopkins, Delanie Walker and Kelvin Benjamin enter the campaign. Breesus reaches the Grail only to discover what it contains.
OPEN ARCHIVE →The Game of Thrones
The league is recast as competing houses. House Rancourt, House Johnson, Joey’s House Dustin, dragons, southern armies and the Wetback King all circle the throne.
OPEN ARCHIVE →Twenty Years
A reputation twenty years in the making is destroyed in a single day. Football collapse becomes apocalypse, and Alex Smith emerges from the ashes with an empire.
OPEN ARCHIVE →The Chief of Chiefs
Alex Smith is elevated into the devilish Chief of Chiefs. History belongs to survivors, strength replaces peace as virtue, and power becomes its own burden.
OPEN ARCHIVE →The Crucifixion of Freda
Goodell has Freda flogged, crowned and marched to Golgotha with David and Olsen beside him. Freda plays the condemned king to the end. The execution would later prove to have been faked.
OPEN ARCHIVE →Fred Bombadil
Joey, Zach and Ben seek the mysterious Fred Bombadil. Goldberry and the fantasy master dispense advice: ignore rankings, ignore matchups, and start the players dearest to you. Tinder is treated with at least equal urgency.
OPEN ARCHIVE →The Kunt Will Return
Kareem Hunt once kept balance in Ben’s team. Then Frog Nation attacked. Hunt disappears, the kingdom falls, and the promise of return hangs over the wreckage.
OPEN ARCHIVE →Freda Died Today
A Camus-styled death notice. Crowell in the lineup and Allen on the bench become evidence. Ben is suspected. Memory, intention and meaning dissolve.
OPEN ARCHIVE →King of the Ashes
Eight armies return to the battlefield for the league’s annual war. Victory is temporary. The battlefield will be rebuilt next year for whoever survives this one.
OPEN ARCHIVE →The Mad Titan
Fredos arrives as the Mad Titan, kills David and announces his theory of balance. Zakara narrates while Fredos claims salvation requires every team to become equally terrifying.
OPEN ARCHIVE →The Duffy Slayer
Josh appears to kill Fredos. Reality rewinds. Fredos survives and strangles him instead.
OPEN ARCHIVE →The Snap
Frogkid disintegrates in Kareem Hunt’s arms. Fredos acquires the Time Stone. McCoy, Ebron, Gordon and Baldwin turn to dust as the league approaches its next great reset.
OPEN ARCHIVE →A Soul for a Soul
On Vormir, Fredos and Zakora meet the Red Skull. The Soul Stone requires sacrifice. Fredos is told he loves only the League and Tinder. Zakora goes over the edge.
OPEN ARCHIVE →The Last Pretenders
Kareem finds Jonin in hiding as Fredos approaches. The story then cuts to Tupper on his throne, rejecting and accepting players according to incomprehensible house logic, hoarding quarterbacks and tight ends, and proposing absurd trades.
OPEN ARCHIVE →A Tupper’s Tale
An ESPN 30 for 30 parody built from interviews with Joey, Zach, Freda and Ben. Tupper drafts three quarterbacks, waits until Round 11 for a running back, makes zero trades, goes 9-4-1 and wins the 2018 title over Monument Hill 123.36–109.62.
OPEN ARCHIVE →The Life of Ben Rancourt
A mock biography involving a sap farm, Wisconsin and Maine, frogs, hill tribes, sap college, a C-3PO Halloween costume, mold, Adolphus Washington, football discovery and the pursuit of a championship.
OPEN ARCHIVE →Tribal Council
Eight men arrive at Tribal Council. Tupper appears in a twig wheelchair, Joey has an immunity idol, and the Freda-Ben feud dominates the vote. Freda is sent home; Ben immediately asks for Aaron Rodgers.
OPEN ARCHIVE →Dominance
Lord Commander Joseph destroys Bissonnette, captures and releases Tom Brady, searches for Fred Bombadil, loses Father Collins to injury and welcomes Gus Edwards.
OPEN ARCHIVE →Blindsided
Joseph finds Phillip Lindsay and Kareem after battle. Kareem is struck by an arrow and falls.
OPEN ARCHIVE →Escape
A Lord of the Rings opening gives way to a Maester scene of banners, houses and an ominous northern threat.
OPEN ARCHIVE →